Let life surprise you
A love letter to nostalgia and boy bands
Is there anything better than when the universe randomly swoops in and sends you an unexpected gift that absolutely blows your mind?
With as many challenges I’ve faced over the past two years, I’ve also had my fair share of unforeseen delights come my way—personalized care packages from the universe with experiences and moments that I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams.
While a few of those gifts came in the form of life-changing travel, a handful of them have been centered around one of my greatest and longest loves. As it turns out, it’s a gift that keeps on giving.
I’m talking, of course, about a boy band called *NSYNC.
If I could characterize my coming of age by pop culture phenomena, I’d name two: *NSYNC and Harry Potter.
Obviously, that makes me one of a million+ Millennials who could say the same thing. But this boy band in particular has been my longest love, continuing to make my Spotify Wrapped Top 10 even in my now-30s.
My first two concerts, in 5th and 6th grade respectively, were *NSYNC.
For the Pop Odyssey tour in 2001, I had to go to my friend Kristin’s HORSE SHOW beforehand 💀, and then, on the way to the stadium, she puffy-painted “I Love Lance” on a t-shirt that definitely wasn’t dry by the time we arrived, so it smeared everywhere.
We stood on the chairs on the floor the entire show and I peed my pants (both times, I’m pretty sure? 😂) because I waited too long to use the bathroom and didn’t want to miss a single second of the show and I prayed that no one noticed. We took terrible far away blurry photos with our disposable cameras and got DOUBLES printed. It. Was. Amazing.
I used to record myself on cassette tapes, hosting a show called “Marissa’s Late Night Talk Show.” It is about the most hysterical and precious thing to listen to now, but on it, I pretty much exclusively talk about my love for *NSYNC with song breaks from the latest NOW CD and the occasional interview with a poor unsuspecting family member. You can listen to a short intro clip that’s definitely not embarrassing here:
In 5th Grade, I surprised my whole family by participating in the talent show, dancing to “Space Cowboys'' with my BFF Chrissy. A fairly shy girl at the time, it was my first time on stage outside of a class performance, but it certainly wouldn’t be my last. I still remember most of the dance. We did this iconic flip from “I Want You Back” because why not? (I was the base, Chrissy did the flip) 😂
A JC girl through-and-through, I fell hard into the world of *NSYNC fan fiction, devouring—and later writing—love stories where I could imagine falling in love with the blue-eyed sensitive one. Little did I know those stories would inspire a love for the craft, forever shaping the writer I am today.
(I still reread one of my favorite fan fiction stories by Fictionlyn every few years because it is SO dang good. Only in recent years have I realized how badly the MC needs therapy 😂 #growth)
I could honestly go on and on. It’s wild to me that this band made such a lasting impression on me (and so many others) in such a short period of time—only a handful of years, really, before they parted ways. A flash in the pan, and yet they hit just at the right time.
Even over 20 years later, it was *NSYNC that I chose to listen to as I was splayed out on the radiation table, getting my last treatment after a long, exhausting journey, and I smiled the whole way through.
Only six weeks after that final radiation treatment last June, one of those unexpected gifts from the universe fell right into my lap when I had the opportunity to make a life-long dream come true: I got to meet a member of *NSYNC.
And all it took was a swipe of my credit card.
For my birthday, my bestie Ali and I decided to go to Cleveland to see a Pop 2000s concert, hosted by Chris Kirkpatrick, featuring BBMak, O-Town, and LFO. It was sold out in Pittsburgh, so we made a road trip out of it to Ohio. I was so excited about the prospect of seeing Chris in such a small venue, not even considering that there might be an opportunity for more.
The concert alone was such a balm for my soul—I laughed, I cried, and I danced my heart out. But afterward, as we were checking out merch, we saw a sign that said Chris was doing pictures for, like, $80.
I’ve imagined meeting *NSYNC about a thousand different ways over the past two decades. I had already daydreamed about running into Chris on the hotel elevator, imagining what I might say to him. It was always an abstract dream—never a true possibility. And yet, here I was, and all I had to do was say yes.
Ali can attest—I immediately started panic crying. It was enormously overwhelming to feel such incredible joy after a year of such painful anguish. My body did. not. know. what to do with itself!
It felt utterly terrifying and exhilarating to hand over my credit card, solidifying the decision: I was going to meet Chris Kirkpatrick.
In the long wait, I alternated between crying and hyperventilating, trying to nail down what I would say to him so as not to be a shrieking teenybopper but instead to be a poised, thoughtful, appreciative grown woman who happens to be a fan. I legit did breathing exercises, I was so nervous! (And Chris isn’t even in my Top 3 of the group! Sorry, Chris! 😂 But can you IMAGINE if this was JC?!)
I don’t think I’ve ever had that kind of reaction to anything in public or in front of friends before, and I think a not-so-distant version of me would have unconsciously tamped it down, played it cool, or shut it down before it tipped into embarrassing levels. I was fully aware that the roller coaster of emotions I was experiencing rapidly was perhaps a lot to witness because it was a lot to experience and process! But this felt like a moment where I just allowed it all. And I’m so so grateful to Ali for just coming along for the ride, supporting me the whole way through, and sharing in my excitement.
After a long wait, they took the group of us who paid for a photo into a separate room, and as soon as Chris walked in, I oddly felt calm and collected. I was near the end of the line, so I watched him greet his fans with smiles and laughs. A woman held a selfie light (brilliant) and took everyone’s pictures quickly and efficiently. By the time I walked up with my hand extended, I felt like myself.
I think I said something like “Hi Chris, I’m Marissa. It’s so nice to meet you. I’m from Pittsburgh, but your show was sold out, so I came here!” He was super nice and thanked me for coming, mentioning that he was going to be at Steel City Con soon. After snapping the picture, I took an extra moment to say, “I wanted to tell you—I just finished up breast cancer treatment last month and I’m entering this new season and meeting you is truly a dream come true.”
He was so congratulatory and kind, celebrating me with a big hug and a high five. His presence just felt warm and real. And then, I walked out, cheesing so hard, where Ali and the organizers were waiting excitedly to hear all about it.
The actual interaction was maybe 30 seconds long, but it was a gift that will last a lifetime. Just LOOK at my face!
For the rest of the night, I alternated between squeals, utter disbelief, and sobs. For the next week, I couldn’t recall the story without immediately tearing up. Even now, writing this, my eyes well up from time to time.
I’ll never know what this would have felt like not freshly out of cancer treatment, but the contrast in such a short period of time felt so significant. All I kept thinking about was how badly I wished I could bottle up this magical feeling, this deep satisfaction of making real something that has only ever been a daydream in my mind, and send it back to the hundred iterations of me who desperately needed to know the joy and healing that was coming.
The moment was a message—
To the sweet 8-year-old girl who hung posters on her walls and committed to memory JC’s greatest fear (needles) and Justin’s favorite cereal (Apple Jacks).
To the obsessed 11-year-old girl who wrote fan fiction, watched TRL immediately after school, and bought NSYNC hit clips at McDonalds and would have LOST HER DAMN MIND.
To the lost 22-year-old whose life and career was a complete mess, but she still giddily watched her favorite boy band reunite for the VMAs.
To the weary 32-year-old in the chemo chair who felt like this heavy veil over her was going to suffocate her.
And every Marissa in between.
—And that message was:
You will one day be in a position to make your dreams come true. And it will be easy.
On the heels of a deeply painful marathon, this generative gift of healing meant more to me than I could possibly express.
Little did I know that that was only the start of the *NSYNC-related surprises.
Only a few months later, the guys made their first appearance as a group in many, many years as presenters at the VMAs, and soon it was announced that, after more than 20 years, the group would release a brand new song to be featured in the next Trolls movie—and they would make an appearance as characters themselves.
!!!!!
Another unexpected gift.
The song, “Better Place,” dropped in late September, the day of my first scan since completing my cancer treatment. Like, you really can’t make this stuff up.
*NSYNC said that the song was like a love letter to their fans, but when I listened to the full song that morning, I felt like the words were a love letter I had written to myself.
I was out of sorts most of the day from scanxiety, but I kept coming back to this song and to the joy that this boy band from my childhood has brought me over the past 25 years. They’ve been with me every step of my adolescence and adulthood—it only made sense that they’d be with me for this day, too.
It’s been especially fun to share this song—and the movie—with my 7-year-old niece, Jemma. She knows all of the words to “Better Place” and she tolerates enjoys watching YouTube videos of *NSYNC with me. If we can share a love for a song by a boy band that was just getting started when I was her age, what else could be possible?
The song—and the marketing leading up to and after it—lead to an explosion of speculation: Are they getting back together?! Will they go on tour? Make a new album?
It was so much fun seeing the world step into the same nostalgia that had been conjured up for me over the summer—to get to experience a taste of that together. It was validating to see the pure love and appreciation fans still have for this group and exciting to wonder if there was more around the corner. It was the first time I think we all really allowed ourselves to GO THERE and believe maybe it could be possible after so many years.
Things died down rapidly when Britney Spears’ memoir was released in late October. The impressively coordinated social media presence that was just starting to build went radio silent for months.
Just when we thought maybe this was all just a pipe dream, Justin made his big comeback and, in releasing his new album today, yet another gift was dropped into our laps:
A brand new *NSYNC song called Paradise and their very first performance as a group since 2013—and the first of new material in over 20 years.
This song is…wow. In addition to being a stunning love song, it feels like an anthem—an acknowledgement of the magic we all feel at this group coming back together to create this moment.
Just take a look at these lyrics:
'Cause I've waitеd
I've been waitin' forever
Right here for this moment
Between you and I
Everything is happening
And it's just what I imagined
I imagine it would feel like
Paradise
They get it. This truly does feel like a taste of paradise after a long, long wait.
I’ve been trying to put into words why all of these *NSYNC moments have meant so much to me and to so many others this past year.
How do you begin to explain the tears, the soaring sensation in your heart, the feeling of being both 11 and 33 at the same time, the awe of surprise?
It’s not really about *NSYNC. I mean it is, but it isn’t.
It isn’t about actually meeting Chris. It isn’t about new music. It isn’t about a potential tour in the future—though all of those things are wonderful.
It’s about the extraordinary reminder that this is not the end. Our stories get to continue in new, unexpected, magical ways. We get to experience unbridled joy—the kind that we thought was left behind in your childhood—again. We get to be surprised and delighted by life.
It’s about the cue to loosen our grip on what we think is possible and let our minds be blown by the ways it exceeds our expectations.
It’s about the confirmation that sometimes, we do get to make our wildest dreams come true. And it will be easier than we thought—sometimes even without us needing to do anything at all.
It’s about the experience of oneness. You experienced that, too? You cared that much about that thing, too? And now we get to enjoy this together? You weren’t in my life then, but you are now, and yet we’re connected by something we only experienced individually. How special.
It’s about the celebration of who we’ve always been at our core and the joy and freedom that happens when we fully express that. In these moments, we get to show our inner child that what we cared about matters and will always matter.
Sometimes the past should stay in the past and simply be remembered with pleasure and amusement. Sometimes it doesn’t work to pick it up now and reimagine it—think of the sequels that never should’ve been made, the remakes that fell short.
But sometimes, in a moment of pure magic, the past can be brought back to life and celebrated for what it was and what it still gives us today. Sometimes you can pick up where you left off and create something new together—from the perspective of who you are now, shaped by everything that came before.
And all this time I've always wondered if it would feel the same
As it did when we wеre young and not afraid
Uggggh lady, you get me. You get IT. And now I'm here imagining an alternate universe where we went to an *NSYNC concert together 😭😭😭